Hard Fork Your Life: Crypto Addiction = Crypto Lifestyle

Crypto Addiction is Not Affliction

Positioned on lofty concrete perches scattered throughout the high-rent districts of Tokyo, sit the most conspicuous signals of Japan’s crypto revolution. These monster billboards, with their bright colors, famous celebrities, and sleek designs, remind all who pass underneath of the fantastic products and services that may be purchased with Bitcoin. Colluding to cajole and convince the rank and file below, the totality of the announcements deliver an urgent and inevitable missive: that the most expensive vertical real estate in Tokyo–and thus perhaps the world–belongs to BTC.

Crypto Addiction

The most common of these advertisements employ stunning models holding gold coins, emblazoned with a large “B”, while they haughtily stare at the commuting masses. Their voluptuous lips and foxy eyes have been impeccably fashioned to impress and persuade: “Are you cool enough to do business with us? When will you start living the crypto lifestyle? Are you still HODLing?” Their collective impact on the city’s commuters and tourists is strikingly effective.

I was recently in Tokyo on business, where laser-sharp focus and self-restraint would be critical if my trip were to be successful. However a hideous case of jet lag made it exceedingly difficult to focus my complete energies on work. At the same time, my “crypto addictions” were becoming increasingly inflamed with each step through this concrete jungle. Provocative precedents were being mercilessly set one after another. To point, the collection of sultry and salty stares thrown at me by a dream team of amazingly hot BTC models had their left lascivious fingerprints all over my memory. A restlessness had settled in the pit of my stomach, and in my loins.

Crypto Had Become My Life

I was at first alarmed at my inability to shift my mind away from NFT floor prices and crypto market plays, and to refrain from scoping out what was going down in Decentraland. (It turned out that there was a lot “going down”, mostly my crypto investments.)

However, a Zen-like moment of clarity reassured me that everything was as right as a trivet. Crypto had become my life; I was doing what I loved. While most of my friends and family did not engage in extended surfing sessions on CryptoTwitter and CoinGecko, there was no reason for me to consider myself afflicted, at least not in a pejorative sense. They did not understand the promise of blockchain technology, nor could they grasp the most compelling use cases around crypto, and it’s not my job (or a good use of my time) to keep educating them on why they should care. 

Crypto Had Become My Life

More Addictive than Cocaine

If you are living the crypto lifestyle, you are mentally and physically tough: you keep yourself in shape. You don’t need copious amounts of drugs, booze, or sex to feel whole or alive–an imperative if you are going to survive the demented market gyrations that are constituent with investing in digital assets. However, despite your assiduous efforts to maintain a robust body mass index (BMI) and keep your daily meditation schedule, you probably have an addiction–one that you will not be able to shake. 

Crypto has become your cocaine. 

Everywhere you go, you are haunted by the constant need to check charts, Discords, and floor prices on OpenSea. When you walk down Main Street, you imagine groups of buildings as vertical bar charts, whispering market intelligence that requires your immediate attention; a leisurely day of cloud watching at the beach becomes steeped in self-challenge, as you try to spot the ETH logo in the cirrus and cumulus muddles that puff across the breezy sky.

There is nothing wrong with you that some more HODLing can’t fix. Replace the word “addiction” in “crypto addiction” with the word “lifestyle.” You are now healed. You’re welcome. 

The mainstream matrix is not a friendly place for autonomous thinkers, nor will it ever be sympathetic to those seeking financial sovereignty. Your exit into the crypto lifestyle has been as inescapable as it has been advantageous. Regress is impossible. You have chosen to forever forgo the languor of the blue pill and the pretentiousness of the red pill, electing to self-medicate with the orange pill. 
Like the character in John Carpenter’s classic cult film They Live, you have put on the magic glasses and the nefarious plot of the world’s elites and central bankers has been laid bare. You have become the movie’s leading hero, George Nada, whose signature quote now resonates with crypto bros and gals worldwide:  “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubblegum.”

They Live – Universal Pictures 1988 – Directed by John Carpenter

William Laurent is Blockster’s Editor in Chief. Widely published throughout his career, Will is regularly featured in American Banker, Foundry, and Tech for Good to name a few. He’s advised over 30 Fortune 500 companies across North America and Asia on content strategy, data visualization, and digital/cultural transformation. He is an influential educator, writer, artist, crypto dad, and husband. His artwork and NFTs are sought-after collectibles. Connect with William on DeSo and LinkedIn.

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